Life experiences will consistently give us, let’s say, opportunities, to raise our awareness through mirroring our inner baggage (aka unhealed wounds) on other people who we have labeled ‘bad’. And, the deeper our wound, the bigger the lock on their box. We consciously or unconsciously hold them in this box—and every time we are reminded of the pain they have cause we tell ourselves – They are never getting out of that box! They really are wrong/bad and I’m completely justified in making them pay!
Take a moment to think about if there is anyone you have put in the bad box over the span of your life. How many people are you holding prisoner? Maybe it’s someone you have said you will never talk to again, or that you are still ‘making pay’ for the pain you (or a loved one) felt from your experience with them.
So, here’s the big aha you might or might not be ready to hear. You are the only one in the bad box. Holding on to the pain that someone has caused you affects only you. This year I’ve had many clients and loved ones that I’ve noticed holding on to bitter and angry feelings toward someone and how it still affects them. I get it…truly. That person made bad choices and hurt you. In some cases it was unthinkable pain. But, that’s also part of your journey and a way for you to take what happened and find the positive gifts from the experience. Did you learn compassion for others?
Do you have someone that you have said you’ve proclaimed you could never forgive? Or feel guilty forgiving because you think you’d be dishonoring yourself or a loved one? Letting them off the hook?
Making them pay is simply holding your own heart captive. It is making a choice to hold on to the pain. When you are feel angry towards someone, and notice you’re falling into the thought process of need to make them wrong so you can be right, then you might want to take a deep breath and pull back from the situation until you aren’t as charged.
More than likely, the current situation doesn’t call for the level of anger you’re feeling… it is triggering an unhealed emotional wound from the past. So, your thoughts about being betrayed from the person in front of you is charged with numerous similar interactions from the past.
And the protect and serve part of yourself reacts the same time over and over… thinking I know what to do here! I’ve got this!I get angry and don’t let them get away with it!
But of course it ends the same way… that ole definition of insanity and trying the same thing hoping for a different outcome. And, there is an immediate payoff by spewing this person with your anger, but guess what? The odds are that there will be a repeat experience to help you see you still haven’t healed the original wound.
Is it time for you to tap into the truest form of courage and heal your betrayal wounds? Or do you still need to stay attached to your warrior energy to feel safe?
My hope for you is that you know in your heart that you are strong enough to let go of the anger and pain and find the key to the box to let yourself out of it. For you are the only one that was really in there to begin with. And, it just might be time for you to show up from a place that still has good boundaries, but is a more peaceful place where you will not take things personally and know you are safe in every difficult conversation or event.
You’ll know when you’re being triggered into the same pattern if you are justifying why the person is bad and how you are the ‘good guy’. It’s all good—just being aware of it can help you to begin to heal those old betrayals. You are brave enough to change and those around you will reap the benefits of being in your wake of courage. Your heart will thank you.